Why do people get bullied on a constant basis?

Bullying is a pervasive issue that can have long-lasting effects on individuals, impacting their mental and emotional well-being. However, it is possible to overcome bullying and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever before. By dissolving past hurtful events and implementing transformative strategies, individuals can conquer bullying and take back control of their lives.

In my opinion, a child or older person will get bullied because they hold inside their subconscious mind, memories, references and proofs of times when they were attacked and felt vulnerable, overwhelmed and believed they had no coping skills.

When something traumatic occurs, this is called a UDINS moment. U = Unexpected. D = Dramatic. I = Isolating. NS = No Strategy. In simple terms, the person is 'shocked' so much that they do not know how to respond appropriately and if they don't deal effectively with the event, they will internalise a response of fleeing, freezing or people pleasing. The other option not open to the person is to 'fight' - not necessarily physically fight - but rather stand their ground or stand up for themselves, as this would be seen as a negative option for them for a number of reasons which I'll cover below.

Let's look at one way to explain how the mind works when stressed. Imagine inside each of our heads we have an internal filing cabinet. If we open the top drawer we see a folder and inside the folder is a piece of paper on which is listed how we should respond in any given stressful situation.

This response on the page is our go-to or default behaviour and it will have been created in a number of ways. If the response is to cower, be timid and submissive, withdraw, hide, and just remain inactive and 'frozen' when being bullied, then that's how we will behave. We may have learned to 'not respond' in any shape or form because we learned from a young age that to do so would prove dangerous to our health. We might have witnessed an event in which someone was hurt for standing up for themselves and so we decided that would not be a good choice to make ourselves, if faced with the same threat.

We might have been shielded from 'play fighting' or rough and tumble games when growing up and so internalised the belief that we should not get physical with anyone in case we or someone else gets hurt.

We may have had very strict parents or caregivers who physically hurt us in some way or threatened to do so on a regular basis, and so we learned to be submissive to authority figures. We may have seen something on television or viewed something on social media that frightened us, and once again we may have internalised the belief that it's better to give in an not provoke or antagonise the bigger more powerful person.

Whatever the cause and it might be a combination of the above, if we have 'internalised' and 'learned' to take a beating or be submissive for fear of future pain, then that becomes our go-to and we carry that weak response into adulthood.

The good news is we can un-learn the unwanted weak response and 'learn' and 'install' a more appropriate response in the face of aggression, intimidation and ultimately bullying.

The techniques used to change the person's mind and response to bullies will be highlighted in forthcoming videos and blogs. For now, know that we can 'replace' what 'response' we have on the 'piece of paper' stored inside the 'folder' stored inside the 'internal filing cabinet' in our mind. If we have learned to be a certain way, we can dissolve that 'programme' and replace it with a behaviour that is in line with OUR values and which comes from a place of self love, self acceptance and confidence. That combination ends the bullying. The person previously bullied, will think so much of themselves that they might even shock themselves initially as to how they instinctively stood up for themselves when faced with intimidation and bullying. This is possible as I have been able to reclaim my life after years of bullying. If I can do it, anyone can.