What does a bully and the bullied person have in common?

It might seem strange to think that the bully and the person they are bullying have one thing in common! In my experience they do. So the question is, 'how will that help me or my child?"

Let me tell you a brief story. It's true. It happened to me when I was a teenager at school. Back then there were two teenage boys in my year who were the tough, cool kids who no one messed with. In my mind I called them the 'karate kids.'

I remember on day another school mate said, 'dont mess with them Nigel, they will knock your ******** in! You don't stand a chance against them!'

The thing is, I had no intention of 'messing' with these boys, but his comments to me were another reminder of the 'hierarchy' there can be in school, anywhere really. A hierarchy where people place themselves above others and maintain that position by threatening anyone who dared not to bow down to them.

This morning this memory came into my head and so rather than just pushing it away, I decided to use one of the self help techniques I share with all of my clients.

During the session on myself, it dawned on me that these two boys had learned martial art skills and flaunted them in front of everyone, in order to stamp their authority and intimidate.

I know several martial artists who enjoy the mental and physical benefits the discipline brings. The majority of these people I personally know feel so confident in their ability to 'look after themselves,' that the last thing on their mind would be to intentionally use their skills to deliberately hurt anyone else.

That couldn't be said for the two boys I am talking about.

So I asked myself, why would they have learned these ancient martial art skills in the first place? What came to my mind was (and it is only my projection and perception) they learned the techniques because deep down they were scared themselves. They were petrified themselves of getting hurt and what better way to change this than learn how to defend yourself? But to me they crossed the line and rather than having the confidence to be able to 'look after themselves' if the situation arose, rather they used these skills to pick on and threaten other people who also felt as scared as they once did!

So, the bully at one time had felt scared, terrified, petrified, etc and the person they are bullying most likely feels the same. Same feelings - different mindsets!

What also dawned on me was a bully reveals through their treatment of others, exactly how they were treated in the past. They must have been treated that way, or witnessed others being treated that way. How else could they have learned that emotional and physical aggression is one way to get what you want? All because they felt so bad inside.

But ask yourself. If someone feels confident in themselves, both emotionally and physically, why would there be a need to bully anyone in the first place?

In my session I cleared out the unwanted feelings and thoughts and with the awareness I gained, I created in my mind a new scenario and new belief that I can rehearse and embed in my subconscious mind that will serve me. I'm no longer triggered by this particular memory I've shared here with you. I'm no longer negatively affected by the two 'karate kids.' They were doing the best they could and their need to intimidate others speaks volumes about how they felt inside.

This awareness helped take the edge off the unsettling memory and allowed me to clear my mind of the incident that happened 40 years ago. This is called emotional freedom.....